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Retirement, Long-Term Care & Dementia

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"Putting things somewhere" is for inanimate objects, People on the other hand Deserve better...

Posted Jul 29th, 2015 in Long-Term Care, Tips, Dementia

If we can be ever so mindful to consider the words we choose as health care professionals, families, and friends, of the elderly when forecasting future plans. 

So often I have heard that we will have to “put” mom or dad in a home, or other care location. 

This may seem like a small concern, but take a step back and consider your own response to the messaging.  Sometimes we are required to advocate, to make difficult choices based on a loved one’s wishes.  If you have agreed to be the Power of Attorney of Health, be advised this is not an honorary title but rather an important role which entails acceptance of responsibilities. 

Let’s use thoughtful, collaborative, deliberation and decision making, inclusive of the elder whenever possible.  And if you believe the words are insignificant, I would ask you to reconsider the conversation, with the roles reversed.

And that is why I will never ‘put’ you anywhere... these musing returned to my readers by request

I will never “put” the one I love in a care home.
I will continue however, to “put” the milk in the fridge, the car in the garage, and the trash out on Fridays.
Putting things away is a matter of habit, often done without thought,
And that is why I will never “put” you anywhere.

I will never choose your destination based upon peer pressure,
Because I was entrusted by you to do my best.
I will not make a lesser decision because it is easier, or more conducive to the system,
And that is why I will never “put” you anywhere.

I will act with contemplation, research, and caring,
Because you see, I was chosen for a reason.
I will avoid the pitfalls of acting in haste, and I will honour my pledge to keep you safe,
And that is why I will never “put” you anywhere.

And when the time arises, that you may need
Support and care beyond my reach, 
I will sleep at night, with peaceful bliss, 
And that is why I will never "put" you anywhere.

For we have found a place,
After thoughtful reflection, and loving review.
Because I have chosen for you in the best way I know
And you were not "put" anywhere.

These reflections initiated my development of the Elderpilot mobile apps. Everyone should be able to peruse homes, and participate in decision making, either through attendance at tours; or if not possible, reviewing reports, pictures and notes, from the tour results of a friend or family member.

And that is why, I will "never put you anywhere!"

Ann Chartier Elder Pilot

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